My husband is gone...

Not gone for good....but gone....his work has him traveling extensively over the next few months.  I recently started a new job to get out of the house a little bit and make a difference in the world.  (I'm not a millennial but I seem to talk like one sometimes?)  So our household is in transition.  A few things I have noticed...all this time I thought it was him who left the closet light on.  Surprise surprise I guess it was me.  Who knew LOL!       I don't feel as motivated to cook dinner.  My teenage son has noticed this and my husband has been jealous of the takeout we have had this week.  And finally, it is so quiet!  My husband is an introvert.  He is quiet, sweet, and so very professional.  We knew we were opposites from the beginning.  But his evening respite is NOT QUIET!    The TV is a staple in his household.  When he isn't home we really don't have the TV on.  Sooooo no home cooked meals and no TV.  As I have time to think I reflect on the fact that I have blamed him for the lights in the closet for YEARS...PEOPLE....YEARS!  I never mentioned it to him that I can remember.  But I have kept it in my mind.  It NEVER dawned on me that it was actually me.  So!  What else am I responsible for that I have blamed on him.  Or even outside of the house as well?  This is not a comfortable train of thought for me.  Personal accountability is ok if you think you know why.  But to rethink everything is a bit of a drag!  The other deep thought is what do I do for him that he has actually asked me to do and what I "think" he wants me to do when in reality maybe he doesn't care? Communication is vitally important.  VITAL!  As a wife I have a mental picture or checklist of what I think a good wife does.  Sometimes this list is overwhelming and I fail.  Then I get upset and it demonstrates itself into an attitude impacting my family.  Catch 22.  Repeat.  A few months ago a speaker at our church mentioned that he tried to do things for his family to show his love.  It didn't seem to make a difference to them.  So then he prayed and asked God what he should do for his wife and family.  He felt like God asked him to do little things he would never had thought were important.  Lo and behold a huge difference took place.  His wife asked him what was going on!  She noticed.  So this week my conclusion is this.  I need to take more time in prayer and listening instead of in my head and writing check lists!

He just chases me...

Names.  They are so important to us.  For some reason I hit my 40's and names have become my nemesis.  We had a beautiful guest speaker at the church and I introduced her as Lisa.  HER NAME IS LORI!  So I played if off by saying I have issues with names and asked how many people in the room I had butchered their names.  At least 10 ladies raised their hands.  Yikes!  I didn't realize I had gotten that bad.  So, time for self reflection.  Am I not listening well?  Am I speaking before I think?  Am I presenting face conversations and relationships?  Can I blame social media because everyone abbreviates or adds middle and maiden names?  Irregardless it's time for a little self discipline.  This I'm my conclusion and I will do it.  But then I am shopping with my little one.  A young boy walks by and eagerly smiles and waves at my daughter.  She returns the smile and enthusiastic wave.  "He seems like a nice boy.  Whats his name?"  She replies "I don't know.  He just chases me."

Last Picked

Last Picked:

Being concerned about being picked last never goes away. It’s not even just about sports anymore.  Am I  last to know about a prayer request or Bible Study  Will I have a seat or will the tables be full?  Do I sit to the back or the front?   Do I look good to my boss?  Will I be next to be promoted?

I have hypothyroidism.  Symptoms are fatigue, weight gain, and anxiety.  EVERYTHING a women fights and doesn’t have time for!  I have things to do and places to go!  So…I weigh 20lbs more than I did when I went into the hospital at 40 weeks pregnant to deliver my first child.  40 weeks pregnant weight = current weight.  That is a terrible equation.  I don’t want to get into the entire “I’m Fat” body image thing.  I want to get into the “I don’t feel healthy” thing.  Please don’t read into this and send me every drink, shake and vitamin available.  I’m happy for you and and the answer you found for YOU.  It’s not my answer.  I like sports and activity.   I played basketball growing up.  The ting of a nice leather ball on a hard wood floor still surges adrenalin.  I have tried to start some womens pick up games but alas no women were found.  Also, I just physically couldn’t measure up to my memories.  So today I will lace up my tennis shoes and will join a pick up soccer game.  Soccer is not my sport.  All of my kids play…and play really really well.  Bu the fact is I HAVE to get out of the house.  I HAVE to exercise.  I sit here pumping myself up to go and my first thought is. Yep.  I wonder if I will be picked last.  Then I died laughing.  Really?  Am I going to be picked last is what is occupying my mind? Wow.  

So I played and was terrible!  Even the 11 year old girl didn’t trust me with the ball.  But you know what?  The ladies were nice and even invited me back.  No teams were picked and grace was given abundantly.  To walk in grace today...you have to get out and walk!

Prayer.

How many people do you know that say they are really really good at prayer?  I know a few but the majority of people I know think they aren't very good at it.  Why is this?  Who has taught them that there is a wrong and right way to pray?  We were on a missions trip and partnered with a really cool soup kitchen ministry.  They took an old school type bus put in restaurant booths and served soup our of crock pots.  It was very efficient, warm and welcoming.  They went TO the people who were hungry which I thought was cool.  A young man who we had ministered to early in the week got saved.  He was so excited he read the entire Bible in one sitting....all day and all night.  He went with us to the soup kitchen and started praying for people.  I was listening like a proud Momma then froze in shock!  He was swearing like a sailor while he prayed.  He told cancer to get the "F" out of one guy then asked God to help a lady deal with the S*#@ in her life.  I am hard to shock but the legalistic, conservative christian in me freaked out inside!  I turned to the missionary next to me and gasped "what do we do?".  The missionary next to me said "why would we do anything?  Isn't it beautiful?"  Um...what?  Help me with this.  How is it beautiful?  The missionary shared his heart about how beautiful it was because God was not offended.  He was delighted to hear this young converts prayers.  The young man believed God was powerful.  He believed He could heal.  He believe God accepted him for who is is and where he is and so HE PRAYED!

Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves regarding prayer.  We aren't saying the right thing.  We aren't doing it right.  Should we kneel?  Should we stand?  Do we say scriptures?  Should I feel guilty that I didn't pray this morning as soon as I woke up.  The questions can go on and on.  Prayer to me is thanking God when something good happens.  Prayer to me is asking Him to help when you need help and wisdom.  To sit in a focused prayer time is good but not good if it is an act to make you a better Christian.  I am reading a book that I highly recommend regarding prayer.  It is good!  I hope you are encouraged by it as much as I was.  You can be good at prayer....no right or wrong time, place, or words.  JUST DO IT!

Death

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" I Corinthians 15:55

It's interesting that the older you get the more you experience death.  When you are small perhaps it's a distant relative or grandparent.  It it is someone close to you it could even be an unexpected tragedy.  Then you hit your 40's and the curse of Satan "Cancer" has inevitably struck someone you know or perhaps a car accident has taken someone you cherish.  Then you hit past 70 and your friends from Bunco, church potlucks and shopping transition to Heaven pretty regularly.  As a young woman I faced death with strength and muscle.  Hardly a tear was shed when I lost two brothers, Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents.  I would tell myself "I can do this without crying...I am strong!"  Now...I cry.  I cry a lot.  I cry for my friends who were widowed way to early and are raising children alone.  I cry for the kids navigating life without someone to cuddle on the couch with.  I cry that people still have to handle the paperwork after tragic accidents when they can barely function.  

As I watch my Mom's friends Bunco group decreasing in numbers or listen to them talking about friends who have passed away...in a strange way it's almost like they seem to rejoice?  Tears streaming down smiling faces they talk of celebrations and congratulations.  You made it!  You lived life to the fullest!  You died content with a smile on your face, people who love you around you, and loose ends tied up.  Can I venture to say they seem successful?  Successful because they paid all their bills.  Successful because their children are grown, prosperous, and happy.  Success because they still love Jesus and are leaving this world a better place because they were in it.  Or successful because they overcame obstacles like champs and fought hard to the finish?  A popular song right now says "Death where is your sting."  If you are a Christian and you love the Lord with everything in you...the sting of death is muted.  Some people may not have this testimony.  They may be alone, scared and unsure of eternity.  This makes me so sad.  I want to die with a smile on my face.  I want to barely feel the sting of death.  I want my family and friends to smile with tears running down their faces.  I want to hear them say she fought the good fight and share memories of those battles.  I want to stand before my Lord with praise and thanksgiving.  Overwhelmed with is presence I want to rejoice.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6duzVn5M6E

SNAKES

I have no fear!  As a child I would warn the monsters under my bed that I was coming for them.  1….2…..3….I would yank back the covers and look under the bed.  With confidence of a 6 year old, I KNEW that I had scared them away.   To this day I still have never found a single monster under my bed!

I was a young Mom with a 6 week old baby when I developed a loathing for snakes.  I was holding my infant in the kitchen and reach into a high cabinet for something.  During that process I accidentally knocked a snake off the shelf.  It fell with a zig zag fashion directly onto my babies tummy and then to the hard floor.  Every charismatic teaching in my life came out in that moment.  I cursed that snake!  I commanded it to be bruised under my heel and then called 911.  How dare that snake enter my house?  How dare it have the audacity to touch my baby!  Animal control located the snake and removed him.  Unfortunately an intense dislike or even a fear was left behind.  A funny sensation happens now when I see snakes on TV, in our pool or even at the zoo.  I get hot.  I start to sweat.  And then my skin starts to feel very uncomfortable. 

Lets fast forward 15 years.  For over 20 years my family and I have attended a church camp in the middle of nowhere about a 100 miles outside of Houston. At the beginning of camp this year the director let us know to wear closed toed shoes at night due to the increased activity of snakes.  They would most likely come out at night so make sure and keep a flashlight handy.  WHAT??  So the first night I walked very carefully and sure enough a small snake slithered down the road beside me.  Completely bothered I hurried to my cabin high stepping the whole way!  The next few days I didn’t see anything PRAISE GOD.  On the 5th day once again a snake crossed my path.  I could see the groove in the sand leading to where our paths would intersect.  But a funny thing happened.  That snake did not bother me AT ALL.  I was exhausted by giving 100% to the campers.  I simply did not have the energy for that snake.  I walked right beside it until he went his merry way.  Here is my thought.  Wouldn’t it be great if we were so busy with “Kingdom Business” loving others, feeding the hungry, clothing the poor…so consumed by making disciples that when Satan comes along side us we are simply too focused to be impacted by him.  We would just say “Oh, it’s just you.”  He is not worth our time, or anxiety, or our fear.  March on ladies!  March on!

Thank you for betrayal

Thank you for betrayal:

Lord thank you for allowing betrayal in my life. If I hadn't had people I loved turn their backs on me I would never have known true forgiveness. I would never have treasured true friendship. I would never have found humbleness within myself. I would have never been able to be family in the way that You wanted. I would have never learned what it was like to have hope repeatedly dashed and yet hope again. I would have never understood that Jesus needed Judas so He could completely fullfill His destiny.

Humble

I have a sweet little friend who has been battling pride lately. She just can't seem to see it....but everyone else sure can. Yet, when I read the blogs of my other friends in ministry...in Spain, Mexico, and other non US places I am amazed by the humbleness. They never really feel like the are accomplishing much. Yet, I am sitting on my couch watching the Disney channel and praying for these friends who are shifting nations. My little prideful friend can't understand when they say...am I doing anything? Have I done anything right...after all...the romance of "missions" is very euphoric. What happens when the romance wears off and all of a sudden you wake up face to face with the reality of the ministry you are married to. I know that when the rubber meets the road that you chose wisely. And you really are willing to give your life for your calling. My prideful little friend will be heading to on missions trip in 3 weeks...maybe? A few more years and I think she will have fought enough to be considered mature. Should be interesting to watch...at least better than Disney.

Bonnie

How interesting is life. I was in Mexico last week and began to talk with a girl from Boston. She attended Moody in the 90's. So of course I asked her if she knew Bonnie. You see I went to the Philipines for 8 weeks in 1996 and Bonnie was part of our team. Bonnie, five foot nothing, red hair and all personality. We had tons of fun. I was in a beautiful house with 5 star meals and ceiling fans. She lived in a one room house and ate rice with rocks and fish everyday. Half way through the trip Bonnie had decided to fly back to the states. You see, she decided she didn't want to believe in Jesus anymore. The discussions began. Can you lose your salvation? Can Christians be demon possessed. On and on it went, round and round. Bonnie was fighting against everything and was truelly at the point of turning her back on everything to do with God. It was not a game nor was it just for attention. Andrea, the team leader, prayed all night long with Bonnie. Deliverance major! But the next day was the beginning of a new Bonnie. Her whole face had changed. She absolutely glowed. She rededicated her life, was baptized in the ocean and committed to the Lord 100%. She said no matter what I am yours Lord. I will live for you...I will die for you. My life is your life. It is my humble honor to serve you in all I do. Bonnie impacted my life. I watched one of the most amazing transformations I had ever seen. So, in Mexico, March 2007 I asked this girl from Boston if she had ever known Bonnie. And indeed she had. I was so excited to hear of my friend. The news this girl shared was not what I expected. You see, Bonnie was martyred. That's right. The bundle of life lost her life for Jesus. She was ministering in Lebanon. Opened the door to the medical clinic and was shot three times in the head. The muslim people did not appreciate the message she was sharing. It was all over the news but someone how I had not heard that Bonnie was killed. I heard it on a trip to Mexico 10 years later. Once again...Bonnie has impacted my life.
http://archives.cnn.com/2002/US/West/12/01/missionary.killed.memorial.ap/

Christians

I have been thinking that most people who say they are christians really aren't. If they should fit 1 Cor 13 then I guess I say...the shoes DOES NOT FIT! Most people Christian or not ARE NOT kind. If we can't even be courteous how can we say we are Christians?


John 13:34-35 (NIV)
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 (NIV)
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Matthew 28:18a
Therefore go and make Disciples of all nations.

Disciples

You know John the Baptist had disciples. When Jesus walked by he directed them to Him...Behold the Son of God. Two of John's disciples left and followed Jesus. This pleased John. I understand this feeling. For one of my "spiritual children" to be at a place to follow someone more advanced would be GREAT!

Who hit you?

When Jesus was being beaten they taunted him saying..."f you are the son of God...who hit you?" Oh, the taunts to the prophetic that still ring today. We are all guilty of it. "If you are so prophetic how come you didn't know?" "Well, you are prophetic...pray about it". And the list goes on. What spirit is really behind such questions and expectations. I believe this could be something to really think about.

Children

I guess you finally realize you are a mature mother when you see something is going to cause your children pain so you prepare them the best you can, brace yourself, and pray. Physical pain is so much easier to deal with than emotional or spiritual pain. My first year out of college I experienced a deep slaughter to my emotion and spirit. My prayer has been since that my children would never have to deal with a blow similar to the one I dealt with. My heart reaches out right now to one of my children. I understand tough love if you don't just focus on the tough and leave out the love. If not handled correctly the opportunity for slaughter is on the horizon. Lord, please let maturity and love take the lead in discipline. Life altering choices at a young age. Choices that can only be influenced by prayer.

Fasting

How interesting is it that we struggle so much with fasting and then act surprised when we struggle with disciplining our flesh in other ways. Fasting one day...is it really a big deal...most of us can't do it. Knowing we will eat tomorrow. We still have to fight ourselves all day not to eat. Funny thing is ...I don't even like eating...but yet when it is time to fast...all of a sudden I really want to eat. If I can not even get through one day without fighting myself how do I expect to overcome with discipline things I need to overcome? Fasting is to help us get rid of unbelief. Do you think maybe the unbelief is not only in faith for God to help us but for the unbelief in ourselves. I can't do it...I can't resist...um, fast a few times successfully and whoa all of sudden you say...I CAN DO IT! I can discipline myself and be successful.

City

All I wanted to do this weekend was hang out with God. We had some great times. He talked to me about a city in Brazil. Oh, the excitement of recieving more pieces to the puzzle of your destiny. I know Brasilia will be in my future. The more I research this city the more I know it was meant for me. Did you know Brasilia was founded on a Prophecy. A prophecy from an Italian Priest named Don Bosco in 1883. The city wasn't even built until 1956. COOL HUH! Wait, there is more. Don Bosco had a heart for teenagers. In the late 1800's he was referred to as an Apostle of Teenagers....AWESOME! Who wants to go? I have a plan...

Worship

When my son was sick a few years back the only song I could sing to him was Your Love is Extravagant.

Your love is extravagant. Your friendship, it is intimateI feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend Capture my heart again
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart againYour love is extravagant Your friendship, it is intimate

This week when he was coming out from surgery the only song I could sing was More Precious Than Silver.

Lord ,you are more precious than silver...Lord, you are more costly than gold...Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds and nothing I desire compares with you.

These aren't songs I choose...these are the songs God draws out of me for my son. Interesting isn't it? Why those songs? Why at those times? I guess that is one of those things my mind will contemplate for a little bit. If you have any insight...feel free to share it.

Branch

Reading a book by Jim Goll...he quoted some guy named Andrew Murphy...I think..who knows...didn't read the fine print cause my mind took off with what they said. Basically they said this. The fruit on the branches is not for the tree. It is for the people who walk up and pick the fruit. Not for the branch but for the people who carry the fruit away. Think about that! Wow.

Snow Day

Snow days are so nice to relax, watch tv, and play cards with the kids. Took a long nap yesterday so we stayed up late talking with friends. A true friend will run to Krispie Kreme at 9:30 at night on icy, snowy day at the request of a newly tonsiless seven year old girl, and deliver them right to your front door. How blessed am I with good friends? VERY BLESSED. I think even better than the donuts (can I say that?) was to spontaneous laughter. Some people are just naturally funny. A good belly laugh with lost breathe is a tremendous gift isn't it. May you experience a deep laugh today....or at least help someone else achieve one.

Shadow

So the goundhog saw it's shadow and now we will experience 6 more weeks of winter. The church is only a shadow of what it should be...does this mean we will experience 6 more weeks of a cold and lifeless church? Shadows. I've been thinking of shadows. I refuse to accept that the church will experience winter any long. God controls the seasons...God controls the times. Lord we speak life into the church. We speak spring and new beginnings. It is easy to hide in the shadows. "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty". (Psalm 91) My thought is this...to abide and to hide are two different things. We should abide in the shadow of the almighty but we SHOULD NOT hide! When we hide in the shadows we blend, we become dark, insignificant, and vague. A shadow has no strength nor does it have substance. We can abide under the "wing" of the Lord but we should not hide in the shadows. We are called to be "lights" not "shadows".

Rain

It has not rained in Oklahoma. Why? Is it possible God is bringing a new rain (spritual). Noah had no idea what rain looked like. It had never rained from the heavens. Water seeped from the earth...but not from the heavens. Having no idea what rain was like he still built an arc with a roof that was exactly what God wanted. I think God is bringing a new rain of his spirit like nothing we have ever seen or heard of before. Now is the time to prepare the arc..build it the way God wants. It isn't time to shut the door yet...but soon it will be. Noah shut the door and THEN it rained. FROM THE HEAVENS! Lord, we know the rain is coming. A new rain from the heavens. Let us hear clearly how to build the arc, complete it, and close the door so it it can rain. Then let it rain and flood this earth with your revival.