My Son Riley

My son, Riley, will be 17 in 17 days.  He was born just under 5 lbs.  Tiny and quiet.  He was our sweet, introverted boy from birth.  He looks and acts a lot like his father, which I love.  He is our middle child and our only boy.  Bookended by two gorgeous, attention grabbing sisters, he has coasted through life without very many cares or waves.  We have seen Gods hand on him from an early age demonstrated through something we call his "angel stories".  Life saving moments that only God could orchestrate. Perhaps I will share those stories at another time.

When your kids hit around 12 years old they grow quickly.  So quickly that their brains just can't seem to catch up.  Frequently "have you lost your mind" flies out of my mouth during this age.  And in actuality they probably have.  From 12-15 Riley and I just didn't connect...not that he would know...or maybe he did.  However, because he is an introvert I wouldn't know.  He loved video games...ALOT!  Being an extrovert who is addicted to verbal validation I NEEDED him to show me and tell me he loved me more than video games.  He needed him to reassure my Momma's heart that he wasn't ever going to leave me or forsake me.  I wanted to know I was his favorite and he loved me.  Well...I didn't get that from him.  I have no idea why not...I mean come on...if God can do it why can't he.  Oh wait...your telling me I wasn't letting God do it and I put my selfish needs onto my teenage son?  Lets move on...

When he was about 14 I got tired of nagging him and being upset with him all the time.  I started putting my leadership/problem solving skills to work and pushed my selfishness aside.  I started with an Enneagram personality test and reread 5 Love Languages.  I asked Riley what made him feel loved?  How did he demonstrate love.  I found out he is a 9 on the enneagram test.  9's are peacemakers and avoid confrontation to the extreme of completely shutting down if needed.  9's feel VERY uncomfortable around 8's.  Well, guess who is an 8?  ME. An 8 enjoys a good fight, is loyal to the death, and are natural leaders.  Riley is sensitive to my face and tone of voice and takes them personal.  So basically he probably felt pretty low during this time...and I am the one who made him feel that way.  So I backed off.  I took time limits off his games, handed discipline completely over to my husband and just tried to be present in his life.  I wasn't sure what that looked like and honestly, I think I had some bridges to rebuild.

From 14-16 he would frequently look at me with a puzzled look on his face in various situations where I didn't react how he expected me to react.  But he never said a word.  My son is an introvert.  This killed me..but he would never know it!  I treasured a hug, a moment sitting by me on the couch, or those calls when he needed something.  I vividly remember one time I heard him tell a friend that he was proud of me.  I had set a goal for myself and achieved it and he noticed.  I melted.

This summer was a spiritual journey for my son.  He worked at a special needs camp and LOVED his little buddy.  Then he went to a Baptist Church camp with this friends.  Followed immediately by a missions trip to Chicago.  We then took a family vacation where he fulfilled a lifelong dream of learning to surf.  And ended the summer at a church camp in Texas we have attended since before he was born.  He discovered something about himself and others EVERY SINGLE week his summer in 2018!  EVERY SINGLE week.  Good things, bad things, amazing things, and terrible things.  But for the first time he realized who he is.  He realized he knows things that others don't.  He realized his family is pretty special.  He realized his grandparents are awesome and available.  He realized God is a big, good God and he loves Him.  He also realized some of his friends don't love God.

This weekend Riley and I went to a soccer tournament in Plano, Texas.  We drove 5 hours each way.  Stayed in a mold infested hotel (not a knock on our team manager...she is phenomenal).  And then he played 2 games a day in HOT and nasty HUMID weather.  I know I am bias but my son KILLED IT! I am serious.  He played his guts out going 110% EVERY SINGLE GAME!  He never complained.  He was courteous.  He was strong.  And he is mine!  Other parents and coaches all summer have let me know what a great son I have.  I completely agree.

But you know what happened yesterday?  At 6:38am my son said "Mom, sorry to wake you up.  I know you like to sleep.  But I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did for me this weekend.  You drove the entire way while I slept, you found good places for me to eat, and you changed the hotel room to get away from the mold and I love you".  Here is breakfast". (Stop crying and keep reading!)

Lets unpack this: He woke up early.  He recognized my need for sleep.  He planned this ahead of time to still make it to school on time.  He was observant enough to know exactly what I eat and drink from Starbucks.  And he verbally validated me by saying thank you...WITH DETAILS and then sincerely said I love you.  But most of all...HE SAW ME!  My teenage son SAW ME!  As an adult woman he valued me.  This moment will be forever seared and stamped onto my heart.

Parents....DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR KIDS!  My journey with Riley was a long, scary one.  If I had kept my attitude and pushed and pushed him...this story may have turned out differently.  Set yourself aside and see them for who they are.  See what THEY need NOT what you feel like YOU NEED to give.  Humble yourselves and pray....pray more that you see them through Gods eyes and less through yours.  Pray for YOUR heart...God has theirs.  Give them opportunities to be the best them they can be...even if that means time away from you.  And lastly...talk with older parents who have been through it.  Let them share wisdom and encouragement with you.  Older parents...help the younger ones out!  We need it.  They need it.

Riley-I love you.  I am so VERY VERY proud of the young man you are becoming.  Thank you for loving on me.

Good to Great

Recently, on a trip to Texas, I downloaded this book to listen to.  Good to Great by Jim Collins.  FANTASTIC BOOK.  It's not my normal type of book...matter a fact it is a book catering to corporate type folks.  Jim Collins and a research team looked into companies that were similar but some of them were good and some of them were great.  He concludes with a specific list of what common behaviors make a company great.  Fascinating information.  The entire book jump started my mind into all sorts of business ideas, church directives and personal improvement initiatives. 

This morning I started writing my normal "things to do" check list.  I am a check list person.  I will even do something...then write that thing on my list so I can have the satisfaction of checking it off!  Check lists help me keep my priorities straight as well as my household.  Apparently check lists are also hereditary.  Check out this beautiful list written by my 8 year old daughter a few weeks ago.  Proud parent moment!

In Good to Great, Jim mentioned something about check lists.  My ears perked up with anticipation.  Someone who speaks my language!  This is what he said "Stop Lists are more important than your work to do list"  WHOA!  I'm going to let that sink in for a minute.  "Stop Lists are more important than your work to do list".  So today I am adding a "stop item" to my to do list.  I can't wait to check it off.  I hope I can do it!  

What "stop item" would you add to your to do list today?  Stop checking social media every 5 minutes.  Stop drinking caffeine today.  Stop yourself from watching another episode on Netflix?  Stop yelling at other drivers?  Interesting thought isn't it....

However You Want

However You Want by Jesus Culture (Feat Chris Quilala)

I have been a Christian my entire.  I have memories of God speaking to me in an audible voice as far back as I can remember.  Yes! Out loud and usually by name.  

As a child I thought everyone heard God liked I did.  I was 5 before I realized not everyone knew Jesus!  I was shocked. 

Only as I got older did people let me know clearly what they thought about me “hearing” God’s voice.  

I heard three things.  

#1...Your crazy.  Nobody hears Gods voice like that in this day and age.

#2...Really?  I want to hear Gods voice!  How do I do it?

#3...I hear Him too!

The people who didn’t believe me..I didn't waste my time on them. 

The second group.  THOSE PEOPLE had a choice.  They could pursue hearing Gods voice or they didn't. do a single thing about it.  When they decided to pursue God HE TALKED TO THEM!   Sometimes audible, sometimes via others, sometimes through nature, sometimes through a song, sometimes through a book or the Bible.  BUT YOU KNOW WHAT????  God did it HOWEVER HE WANTED!!!  Yes, I am using caps and exclamation marks!!!  The song on loop for me right now is “However YOU Want by Jesus Culture.  “In the fire or the flood…come however you want” and when people ask God to hear his voice…THEY DO!  They hear him!  Try it! 

The third group...

JOY UPON JOY when someone hears the Lord like you do and you agree!  It is a beautiful, glorious place! 

BUT sometimes people hear God say something different than I do.   I firmly agree people can hear God differently and NOT disagree.  You can still be going the same direction.  You can still be focused on loving God and loving others. God put different passions in each of us ON PURPOSE.  The harvest is plentiful and the workers are few.  They might just have a different road to travel to accomplish Gods will!

However, sometimes people will strongly voice that they heard God and it will be conflicting to what God has told you.  What do you do with this?  They read the bible, they pray, they hear God...how can they possibly differ with you?  It can happen my friends!  Some of these disagreements have caused the deepest wounds in my life. Not just a wound in my soulish heart but my spiritual heart.  A heart that loves deeper than I could ever imagine.  An unconditional God giving an unconditional love.  These were times that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God audibly told me to do something then opened doors, distributed gifts, and  moved me forward in a vision or calling.  These deepest wounds have happened when “others” heard differently than me and said no.  No, Jen, you can’t do that…I have read scripture or I have prayed also…and the answer is no.  

What do you do with that kind of wounding?  That kind of grieving.  When you know without a shadow of a doubt what God has called you to something and someone slams the door in your face?  You press in my friends!  Press into GOD and say “HOWEVER YOU WANT…WE JUST KNOW WE NEED YOU..WE JUST KNOW THAT WE WANT YOU”.   Please don't compromise to the "other" voices.  Trust the words the Lord has spoken to YOU!  You can never please man..EVER...but you CAN please God.  You know His voice!  Follow it. Will it be easy...no?  Does it hurt..yes!  You HAVE to keep your focus on God or you will sink in these situations!  Forgive, brush the dust from your feet, and move on!  

Find a quiet place…play this song…and tell me….what is God saying to you?  Can you be talked out of it…or do you know that you know and nothing…NOTHING is going to stop you from serving your God and being as close to him as possible?  Pain sometimes pushes us deeper into pursuit of God.  Don’t waste that pain!  DIG IN!!!  You can do it!  Ask him! The confidence of knowing what God has clearly said is a beautiful gift.  It gives you faith that when a door is slammed the Lord will present another beautiful door for you to walk through.  He loves you and loves it that you trust Him. 

A few weeks ago I sent out a cryptic invitation to some of my friends.  It read something like this:

Hi this is Jenifer your adventure guide.  

I would like to invite you to an unknown adventure for a day with me in May.  

Secure shoes, a swimsuit and about $100 is al you will need.  

We will leave at 8:00am and return by 10pm.

Please let me know if you are willing to accept this mission.

God has brought some really amazing friends into my life and they eagerly accepted.  As the month went on the "unknown" caused both excitement and trepidation.  Most of these fine ladies are leaders, organizers and family hub operators.  A few weeks prior to the adventure I gave them the option of knowing where we were going or not.  A solid week of discussion and one of them said she HAD to know!  Totally cool with me.  So I told her and you could see the excitement building as the day approached.  One of my other friends didn't want to know...I mean how often can you trust someone with a day completely unplanned by yourself?  This was an adventure in itself!  The third couldn't decide (she had a million things going on in her life and honestly shouldn't have accepted the mission but couldn't resist...and she loves and trusts me).  Then something happened that changed everything!  EVERYTHING!  They had a sale on the tickets!  I had to tell my friends!  If I withheld this information it could have had catastrophic results!  The reveal went fine.  Everyone thought the idea was a cool one.  (Insert verbal validation here).   Not everything went exactly as planned but we had a great time and didn't have to attend to anyone under 10 having a meltdown due to heat and flexible eating times.  

I have always wanted to go White Water Rafting but somehow all our family vacations end up at the beach.  I live in OKLAHOMA so we have NOTHING nearby that would resemble rapids.  When I saw this man made rapid in Oklahoma City I thought it would be better than nothing.  So this is what prompted the invitation.  As we were heading down the channel I was so very thankful I went in a controlled environment for my first white water rafting experience.  They had all sorts of safety measures in place.  I had the thrill of adventure but not the concern that my friends and I might be hurt by something unexpected.   Rushing through water, laughing and trying to maintain control was a blast! We got dumped once which ended up being one of the funnest moments of the trip. 

In college I took a class called Hermeneutics.  It was one of my favorite classes.  Basically it talked about certain things we can see in the bible if we look at it as a book.  For example if one word is used multiple times in a passage..then that word is significant.  If a topic is broached in every book thought out the entire Bible...it is important.  If the same story is written by multiple authors...you should pay attention.

her·me·neu·tics

ˌhərməˈn(y)o͞odiks/

noun

1. the branch of knowledge that deals with interpretation, especially of the Bible or literary texts.

   
   

   
   

   
   

   So what in the world does hermeneutics and white water rafting have in common?  I stopped and looked at the patterns and repeating words that were said when I was telling this story.  The word control, trust, organized, and excitement stuck out to me.  I like to know what is going on.   I would guess I am not alone and that most people like to have things organized or at least have an idea of what is happening.  Are you ready to be challenged a little bit? Are you up for an adventure?

   
   

   Hi this is God your adventure guide.  

   I would like to invite you to an unknown adventure for a life with me. 

   Secure relationships, an open heart and really no money is needed. 

   We will leave at 8:00am and return by 10pm perhaps?

   Please let me know if you are willing to accept this mission.

   
   

   
   

   Will you accept HIS adventure for you?  You can't always be in control or even in the "know".  But God WILL take care of you and you WILL have a blast!  Everything may not turn out exactly how you expect but the ride will be worth it!  You may even get dumped out of the boat sometimes...but it will become a story!  Do you accept?  

   
   

   What are you trying to control today?  I challenge you to hand that over to God and see what happens.  No take backs either!

Roots

Roots are a funny thing.  Recently I guess I decided to put roots into where we are living.  Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind something decided to commit.  As many of you know I attended 18 schools by the time I graduated from High School.  My Dad was in sales and we moved ALL THE TIME!  My husband, on the other hand, was born and raised in the same home that his parents still live in.  (This blows my mind).   Rudel and I have lived in 3 homes in our 21 years of marriage.  Which was due to a work transfer.  So what happened?  I have no idea.  How do I know that something shifted?  Well...a quick look at my amazon account would demonstrate it!  We maintain our home well but hadn't invested in it.  If we did invest it was with the thought that it would be for resale value.  We now have new hard wood floors, new furniture, a pergola being delivered today, and a building project in the planning.  I always wanted a house with wood floors, huge recliners and a flower filled back yard.  So why didn't I do this earlier?  I have no idea!  My husband works hard.  He has the right to not just a maintained home but to an cosmetically enjoyable one.  I also have a right to sit in a backyard that is full of beautiful flowers and vegetables.  So it is happening.  Now that it's happening I am running with ideas and implementing all sorts of personal touches to our living space.  It is going to be a great summer!

So wait for it...you knew this was coming...where are your roots in your walk with Christ?  Have you personalized it?  Are your roots going deep no matter what obstacle is in your way?  Are you driven to reach the water or are you still stuck in a huge pot letting someone else water you?  Are you committed long term?  If so how are you investing in your "Christianity".  What does it look like?  Where is your time going?  Where is your money going?   Most importantly...where is your mind going?  Do you think about God and his goodness?  Do you meditate on scriptures?  Do you think about people in Godly ways?  

Ladies and Gentleman....commit.  Choose an area in your life today to think LONG TERM and it would be really great if maybe part of that would be your walk with Christ. 

No Prob-Llama

No Prob-llama

Cranky!  This week I have been cranky!  It's not the norm for me but when I am everyone knows it!  I have this terrible edge to my voice.  I border on a don't mess with me tone from birth...but the cranky edge sends people running.  I've actually grown into a fairly nice person so when someone at Walmart said something to me that I didn't hear and I said "Excuse me" and they said "Whoa...sorry!" and walked away I knew the edge had come out!  It didn't help that the florescent lights make me squint.  So I'm sure I looked and sounded peeved.  SORRY!  

I love being a Christian.  God loves me no matter what.  He knew I would be cranky today and created me anyway.  Thanks Lord but I'm not so sure everyone else is thanking you right now.  Additional bad news, I can't hide it or fake it.  If I try it just makes it worse!  So here I am realizing I have a tone in Walmart and somewhat repenting but also knowing I need a nap and a snack and Aisle 3 is not the place to do this.  I go through my list crossing out what isn't seriously needed and walk by this really cute Llama. 

HOW CUTE IS THIS LLAMA?  SO CUTE!  It made me smile and this lady walked up and said "You have the prettiest smile...does that llama dance?"  And lo and behold...it danced!  We were both laughing.  A gentleman walked up and said "you ladies sure are happy".  Feeling much better I put the Llama in my basket and moved along right into my favorite hair stylist.  She said "what's up with the Llama".  I said "it makes me smile".   All of this to say...I hope you smile today.  I am sharing my dancing Llama with you because I can.  You can't hear my tone if I am cranky but you can press play and smile with me :) and maybe dance a little too.  Admit it...even if you think it's dumb you still smiled when you said it!

Love is Kind

Everybody Always

Our family motto is Love is Kind. As Havilah Cunningham would say “It’s our Hobby Lobby” sign. And yes it is written on our wall decor as well as on necklaces. No matter how somebody treats you, we as Christians do not have a right to be anything other than kind. Is this always easy? Absolutely not. Can it be fake sometimes. Yes. But to be unkind is not an option. Kindness can have various levels. We ask our children to be courteous as the lowest level of kindness. So a few years ago when I saw a book titled “Love Does” by Bob Goff I knew it was a book for us….and it was. It confirmed that love is active. It confirmed that to love others starts with kindness and usually increases when you say yes. Say yes to doing things in love. Say yes to crazy, fun spontaneous fun with people. 1 Corinthians 13 is pretty clear that if we don’t have love we don’t have anything.

Bob Goff has a new book out this week called “Everybody Always”. I was selected to be a part of a launch team that gave me the first 5 chapters early. I felt so cool being “selected”. I’m sure all 3,000 of us felt that way. :) Bob has this amazing way of just being fun and normal and outgoing and fun and loving and fun and motivating and fun…did I say fun? So I picked up his second book and thought…we got this love thing. After all it IS our family motto! What I didn’t count on was the phrase he wrote in Everybody Always that says “love those people you don’t like”. I am an extravert. I love people. I have been in ministry my whole life. I love people. Our home is your home…I LOVE PEOPLE!!! So why oh why does this quote keep running through my brain? You want to know why? Because when people aren’t nice to me or my kids..I don’t like them much less love them. Did I really just say that out loud? Oh that hurt! I don’t have time to go into the momma bear side of me regarding my children. But I will take a few moments to talk about leadership. Leaders make decisions. My pre-school teacher wrote in my report card that I talked to much in class and was a natural leader…so did my Kindergarten teacher, my 1st Grade teacher, my 2nd grade teacher, my 3rd grade teacher…you get the idea. I think basically leadership boils down to one word. DECISIONS. If you can make a decision you are a leader. I did not realize how many people can’t even decide where to eat! I never even second guessed myself in Kindergarten when I picked the blue crayon over red…I was a natural leader. I could make decisions!

Imagine my surprise as life as passed me by that not everyone agrees with my decisions! (Insert hysterical laugh here). Matter of fact some people don’t like the way I laugh, the way I do my hair, the way I speak, the way I dress or even how I decorate my house. When these people don’t like these things about me I tend to want to avoid them. AVOIDANCE IS NOT LOVE! AVOIDANCE IS NOT KIND! If someone ignores me it hurts. Yet, when I feel like someone doesn’t like me I completely and throughly avoid them. “Everybody Always” respectfully pointed this out to me. Truth hurts and the truth is that as much as I say I love everybody always….I apparently don’t. Now don’t send me wonderful e-mails validating me. Allow me room to grow in this! I NEED TO GROW in this!! For those who know me …I need your help. Pray for me to love those that I feel don’t like me. Pray for me to be bold with my faith. Bob Goff…thank you for challenging me. I needed it!